It’s New Year’s Eve and 2009 is on its way out. I have 9 minutes til the new year. This has possibly been the most emotionally draining year of my life (because of Fall/Winter 2008). Started out unemployed, heartbroken, and stressed. Stressed about my standard of living, relationships and responsibilities. I was awarded $5000 in car funding scholarships in October 2008. This scholarship was the breakthrough that I had prayed for. I had extra money but poor money management. I found out on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving that, TUESDAY, was my last day working. Reason being, my scholarship maxed out my remaining unmet need AND cancelled out my work-study for the spring. Great, now I’m jobless days before my birthday and weeks before the holidays. That means that my car and loan repayment money now has to sustain me til I start working again. So what did I do? I tore it down for Black Friday, bought everyone’s gifts and went out Saturday! On Christmas day, I had my heart rolled over (because it had previously snatched out my chest and later left on the ground.) After which, I just picked it up and put on a key chain. I still had my organizational obligations, I was president. After Fall 08 only two people were left in my chapter, my preggers prophyte and I. I felt like a mess had been dumped in my lap and no one was around to help me fix it, because graduation is/was important, duh! Then, a family crisis. Hello 2009! Family crisis, at least once a week in the wee hours of the morning (and it’s already carrying over into 2010). I’m talking about disturbing phone calls, prophetic dreams, insomnia, sleep paralysis, and headaches. All a result of this crisis. Next, someone stole my course materials from my car. I was not going to buy all those e xpensive resources again; I was still unemployed. So I had to make do. Shoutout to my Soror Lulu for helping me with that class. I don’t think I could have graduated without you :). So I get my learning papers and I have to move back home. Moving back home is bittersweet. It’s great not having a bunch of financial responsibilities and now I can save for my house. However, as many of you know it’s very hard to deal with adults with/in their stuff when you’ve experienced your own. Viva la independence!
The Silver Linings – I must acknowledge these. If I don’t, I would be taking my life for granted and I fully understand that tomorrow is not promised, so I’m grateful for today (still 2009!). I graduated, in the midst of natural disasters and my self hinderance, and received my B.S in Psychology. A couple of weeks after graduation, I found a job, in my field of study! I’m getting everything lined up and making career moves. My education has allowed me to better assist with the family crisis. I know it’s a long road ahead, but my family will be better because of it. As painful as this experience is (and I write this on the brink of tears) I thank God that I am part of the solution. These generational curses will stop. Relationships *sigh*. I complicate things. I’m learning to become happy with being alone. Learning to be happy even if the contact list in my phone is empty. At the end of the day, I can only count on me, right? Still learning to trust my intuition. My eyes are opening, slowly. All these years I thought I was so mature because I carried myself respectfully in public and never shamed my parents. Because I understood that there is a time and place for everything. Because I didn’t show my ass (literally and figuratively). I now see how naïve I was. I’m seeing people for who they are and it’s quite disappointing. I thought I forgave to a fault. Turns out I wasn’t really forgiving, just rushing to get past something so I wouldn’t have to deal with it anymore. Everyone in my life has a season and I have trouble adapting to the climate change, lol.
My plans for to 2010 are simple. I plan to keep living and opening my mind to ways of becoming better (physically, mentally, emotionally). I’m going to smile more. Not just because my smile is splendid awesomeness that everyone should witness, but because it feels good. I complain a lot and I want to tone that down. That’s why I titled this blog “Silver Lining Chronicles”. To remind me, and others, that no matter what happens, nothing is so bad that nothing positive can’t sprout from it. In closing, I’ll never stop laughing and loving, mostly because I’m goofy. I thank God for everything. Every day. Each breath. Each motor and mental skill success, lol.